Mad And Bad Or Soft And Gentle?

Those 5ive lads reckon they're harder than Grant Mitchell in a bad mood, but what happens when we ask them a few lad-like quezzies? All will be revealed...

Have you ever driven your mum and dad to tears?
J: Loads of times! When I was 14 I went through this phase of 'I hate everyone!' and being a total brat. I did antything I could to annoy people, and I regularly made my mum cry out of frustration because I wouldn't behave. I never did any chores or anything to help
Scott: I make my mum cry now! When I go home she's really nice because I don't see her very often, then two hours later she'll be on at me for something, so I just pick up my coat and say, 'Right then, I'm off if you're going to hassle me.' She starts cry then. It always happen, but it's only 'cos she misses me
Rich: I made my mum cry because of a relationship I was once in. I was going out with my first love and she was all wrong for me - she used to be awful to me but it still drove me to tears when we split up. My mum saw me crying and it upset her so much she broke down crying too - she'd known this girl was wrong for me all along

When was the last time you took something from a shop without paying for it?
Sean: Yesterday! No, no I didn't - I'm only kidding.
Abs: I've never pinched anything! I'd feel too quilty
Rich: Oh, it was a long time ago and, erm, it wasn't really stealing. There was a place called George's Candy Store where you were supposed to count up how many pic 'n' mix sweets you had and pay what you owed. Me and my mates would pretend we'd only taken for 50 pence worth when really we owed two quid!
Scott: I used to walk round Tesco eating hot sausage rolls and never paying for them. I'd put the empty bag in the trolley but the checkout lady never noticed. That's not really stealing, is it?
J: Do you know what? If you pinch stuff from stores you only end up paying for it, because they make up their losses by adding them on the price!
Sean: So if you pick two packs of gum it means the prices will go up?
J: I don't just mean small stuff, do I?

We know that there was a bit of conflict with your neighbours in your last pad. Please expand.
Abs: Well, there was a bit of conflict but there won't be any problems in our new place...
J: There'd better not be! If the neighbours come round (puts on meanest, scariest face), I'll be flippin' launch 'em! (we reckon this means send them away very quickly!)
Scott: (Very seriously) Well, the problem was that we were a bit rowdy, a bit noisy, we were gobbing it a bit too much and we were swearing and shandy boozing...
Sean: ...and generally being lads.
J: But the good thing was it was only female neighbours who came round to complain, and when they met my charming self they didn't want to complsin any more! Erm, no, seriously, we've moved into a detached house now so hopefully no one will hear the noise we make.
Sean: We'll be playing our music extremely loudly now!

Did you use to annoy your next-door-neighbours at home when you were younger?
Rich: I used to annoy my neighbours next door 'cos my mate Matthew lived there, and we used to sit up at his house and talk for hours and annoy his parents
Scott: Me and my mate used to have names for every day of the week, like Wednesday was bird-pulling day, Saturday was going down the shops day.
Sean: What was Sunday? Get beat up by the rest of the street day?
J: What's that got to do with annoying your neighbours?

Were you scrappers or soft lads at school?
J: I was an angel! I never caused any trouble. Then again, nobody would cause any bother with me.
Abs: I'm telling you now, every single of us was a scrapper when we were at school! *Yeah, right - who's always on about not want to upset his mummy? Eh, Abs?*
Sean: (looking horrifoed) I wasn't a scrapper!
J: Only when you were shandy boozed-up ay school! Ha ha ha!
Sean: I wasn't shandy boozed-up at school! As if!

When did you first try shandy booze and what did you think of it?
J: The first time I was drunk was when I went to the South of France on holiday with my family. We were in a restaurant and I was nagging my parents to let me try some white wine. I had half a glass and they had to carry me out of the place. I was about ten.
Abs: I tried shandy booze once when I was little. It put me off for life and I've never touched a drop since
Rich: I was on holiday in Tenerife, I was about 13 and I was with two 15-year-olds trying to look older than I was. I had a couple of cocktails and some cider and I was in a right mess.
Scott: You would be drunk on that now, Rich!
Sean: Are we talking about cider here? I had about three bottles of Thunderbird and a bottle of cheap wine when I first tried drink and I was absolutely blathered! (terrible tales of being sick and falling over continue... enough to put anyone off touching shandy booze for life!)

Were you ever caught playing truant?
J: When I was in the sixth form I used to do it a lot - I hated sixth form. I was never really caught, though.
Rich: In the sixth form I went to the pub with my mate who was really depressed because he'd failed his driving test, and we were caught by my teacher. I was put on internal suspension and I had to wear my tracksuit at school for a week. It's bizarre what they make you do at school, isn't it?
Sean: Most of my mates were at another school and I'd meet them for the afternoon. It didn't really bother whether I was caught or not!

If you were all out in a club and some trouble started who would you shove to the front?
All except J: We wouldn't have to do any shoving (all looking at J), J would just step forward anyway.
Abs: When J takes his eye ring out you know there'll be trouble
J: I just have to start taking my eye ring out and the troublemaker goes away. Ha ha!

Is it important to wear the right designer clothes?
J: I never wear designer stuff. In fact, I wouldn't be seen dead in it.
Scott: (with huge designer label on his top) Erm, the only reason I wear Dolce & Gabbana is because I like it but if loads of people started wearing it then I think I'd stop!

Have you ever pinched your mate's girlfriend?
Rich: No. my mate has done it to me, though
Abs and Scott: (shocked) No, we'd never do that!

Who'd win in a copping-off comp?
Rich: I suppose it depends on where we are and what kind of mood we're in. One girl would like me and think I was better than J, while another would look at me and think 'Urrrgh!' and fancy J
J: When I'm in a club having a great time with my mates and not really concerned about meeting anyone I always seem to do well with women.
Scott: It's always the same, isn't it? When you're not looking for a girl you pull, and when you are looking you don't have any luck. Now if you're asking who's the least choosy, I'm not at liberty to say!
Abs: I wouldn't want to pull, actually. I'm quite happy with my girlfriend
Sean: You only pull birds when you've got one! Know what I mean? When you haven't got a bird you can never find one!

The result!

Crikey! Abs, Scott and Rich can come round for tea! Sean and J can wait outside!

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